Sunday, September 2, 2007

Jovan Celda

It's All in the "Angas" by Jovan Celda

What prompted me from applying to the UPD Debate Society was my passion for debating. I debated once in high school and our team won, though everyone in the audience thought that we’ll lose. Well in fairness, there were those who thought that our team would win – and those were my ever-loyal classmates. We were all classmates since our First Year in high school and that explains their loyalty to me. I thought my “debating experience” – if you’ll call that a legitimate experience - would suffice and make it easy for me to pass the application process of UPDS. But I was wrong. Shining as bright as the sun was the fact that I won’t be able to get in that easy. What I had in high school was not enough.

I can’t possibly do it alone. And here comes the ever-supportive MAC to aid me in the whole application process of UPDS. There’s BJ. I must admit that I’m afraid of BJ. I know he’ll read this – might as well be honest and let him know I’m afraid of him. I’m afraid not only because he holds the dice that would decide whether I’m in or out – but because he has this way of making my bones shiver. I don’t know if that’s just his way, if he’s just being tact but sometimes his way of asking me certain questions is as if he’s expecting an answer that I do not want to say. I know I’m being honest with my answers but it’s as if he’s doubting what I’m saying and that really makes me scared. BJ can be brutally frank and that scares the living shit out of me. In fairness to BJ, I understand that he really wants us to work our asses off for us to get in. He just really wants us to work real hard. Maybe his way of pressuring us is also his way of inspiring us. I’m not saying he’s not friendly. He’s just really brutally frank. If I could equate BJ with any phrase, it would be “cruel honesty.” I’m not saying that I do not like him. I can be brutally frank also and having BJ talk to me is like giving me a dose of my own medicine.

MAC is the committee that makes me feel I’m in good hands. Like my high school classmates, they’re very supportive – very supportive to the point that I don’t know if they’re just trying to make me feel alright or if they’re just avoiding to tell me that I suck in debating. Just kidding. They’re nice people. Though they’re not our buddies, they train us and give us constructive criticisms that may help us in our future debates. MAC also has the distinction of making me do things I never thought I could possibly do. The activities they organized made me feel really competitive to the point that I’ll strip just to win a game. The “infamous” Seven Deadly Questions made me know myself even more. The ranking whether I’m exclusively heterosexual or exclusively homosexual gave me a point to ponder. For a while, I doubted whether I’m ultimately straight or if I have a tendency to be a “swinger”. But for clarifications, I really am positive that I’m straight.

I feel proud that I applied for UPDS. Thoughts of deferring have constantly came into my mind. I’ve considered deferring for many times. What hinders me from doing so is my buddy. She’s very supportive. She’s the big sister I never had. I’m not good in debating but she makes me feel that I have the potentials to make it big someday. No, she’s not feeding my mind with crazy thoughts. She’s just boosting my morale and that makes me feel good about myself at the end of the day. I once told a MAC member that my buddy fee is the one that hinders me from deferring. Truth is, it’s only my buddy – not the fee.

The whole UPDS Application Process has made me know myself more. It has made me a better person – I must say. One very important lesson I have learned is that the last person who should denigrate me is myself. Others may doubt me but I shouldn’t doubt myself. My buddy wrote in my sigsheet, “It’s all in the angas!”. I’m more maangas now - the positive angas that is. I believe in myself more now than I used to before. My buddy did it for me.UPD DebSoc did it for me.

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